Welcome to Future City, USA

Escape the Hopeless Reality Beyond!

Welcome to Future City! I’ll be your guide for a brief overview to help you decide if Future City is the right place for you. We know wealthy Americans still have a few choices of which city to reside in while most of the country faces a day of reckoning. Consider delaying this inevitable fate in one of our luxury high-rises, in one of the only cities within 100 miles that still has water, gas, electric, and internet service!

Don’t mind the city workers taking down the “Current Population” sign — they’ll soon be replacing it with a fresh, new sign with a revised figure to symbolically indicate the trend of people fleeing big city life for myriad obvious reasons. Yes, those are two of our proud city workers that apparently still have their jobs, (you know, after the economic crash that we blamed on the Pandemic due to the convenient timing of multiple debt bubbles bursting in unison from all the Central Bank intervention). Yes, the same one that caused the Second Great Depression we’re still in today!

If you’re looking for a place to relocate your existing large corporation to escape the burden of a marginally higher tax rate, you’re in luck in Future City! We’ll perform the financial equivalent of inappropriate sexual favors to help bring your offices here, because we have lots of out-of-work citizens — I mean — an abundance of human resources that would love to be underpaid at your a large company. Also, we still haven’t learned our lesson from the past about cities giving up tax income. But we do know the best part is that it doesn’t actually add any jobs for the country — it merely causes the equivalent unemployment in the city you just left!

I don’t want to be presumptive about the possible size of your business — but by now of course, the chances of it being a small or even medium-sized business is probably pretty slim after so many went under.

If you’re looking to raise a family here, I’m happy to report that we still have over 50% of our parks and other public spaces being maintained by our tireless city staff. They were given a pay increase when we finally got rid of all those “pension” thingys.

If you have children, we offer some of the finest online education your digital currency can buy. It’s still mostly public education, but those school buildings were becoming such a tax-burden ever since our city tax-income fell off a cliff. I’m happy to report though, we haven’t had any school shooting incidents ever since we closed all the schools! I’ll admit that’s not so much a silver-lining as it is a gray one.

If you have any cars of your own, all the main roads and thoroughfares are in great shape, and there are still plenty of gas stations in operation, only they’re all self-service now, with license plate readers, and of course the latest facial recognition cameras from China, which we’re contractually obligated to continue purchasing for another 15 years.

At least, I assume you own one or more vehicles, because if you’re considering a move to our city, you probably live off of investment income already — since not many people can afford the privilege of living in a major metropolitan area like Future City! Our motto is “Future City: A Better Life, for Those Who Can Afford it.”

If you don’t have a vehicle of your own, there are some self-driving cars around the city, available to give you a ride. The cars are very safe, but we have to give you the disclaimer that upon pickup, if it appears there is a homeless person sleeping in the back seat, just notify the authorities via the app, and the car will automatically lock them inside until law enforcement arrives, and a new car will be on it’s way to serve you.

There isn’t much traffic to speak of here in Future City! It’s been reduced significantly by installing expensive hardware to optimize the flow of traffic, combined with the fact that the majority of people who still receive hourly-wages now work from home. This, of course, is due to a continual overblown threat of yet another wave of the Pandemic — a guise propagated by corporations that no longer want to pay all that burdensome overhead for actual buildings.

We proudly declare that Future City no longer has a homeless problem, ever since we cordoned off the SE Corner of the city from the rest of civilization. It’s what’s best, as they can freely set up their tents in the Encampment Neighborhood. The city provides a tent to those who lack this basic housing, and they have a handful of public washrooms available for use. I think. The city has saved a lot of money by throwing caution to the wind and assuming that religious organizations and other charities will provide them food, and whatever else it is those people need.

Technically, that part of the city is now off our books completely, and not your problem as a potential taxpayer!

We’ve also eradicated poverty in Future City, as we’ve stopped measuring it. The consensus of the wealthiest residents was to eliminate this metric because it was depressing, and they weren’t willing to allow their tax dollars to be used for what they perceived to be “a lost cause at this point”.

Habitable properties are still at a premium of course, if they haven’t already been scooped up by our small army of landlords and property companies! The majority of housing here is owned by relatively few investors, and you can’t blame them — they were at rock-bottom prices after so many evictions and foreclosures!

If you are looking to rent, I can refer you to a friend who owns about 16% of the homes in the area. Just be aware that despite the drop in overall demand for rentals, prices haven’t really come down much. After all, those landlords also have families to take care of, and plenty of units to neglect!

There’s been a substantial decrease in crime, ever since facial recognition cameras were installed on nearly every block, and the vast majority of lower and middle-income citizens had to move on to smaller cities and towns due to the sheer cost of living, and lack of middle-income jobs and government services.

Officially, we like to look at this move away from cities as a “trendy” thing that’s been happening ever since both the Millenials and Gen Z grew up and realized they still couldn’t afford anything more than when they were in their early 20’s. We think this is a trend, and we entertain empty hopes that it will reverse once they all realize that you can’t truly get ahead in today’s business world without being willing to step on a few of your peers!

I hope you weren’t put off by the large concrete towers while entering city limits, we’re going to be painting them the brightest neutral color City Council can agree on very soon! I’m sure you understand, they’re a necessary part of the walled-infrastructure completely enclosing Future City, and those towers house the guards. This kind of protection — I mean, exclusivity — isn’t something you can get in a simple gated-community! As a resident, they keep a digital copy of your facial and retinal scans to make sure only those who are supposed to be inside the city may enter. Safety first!

I hope this overview of Future City was helpful in your decision, and we hope you’ll consider moving here soon, while the highway to the next city is largely intact. Check out Future City on Social Media to see any upcoming events, and be sure to give us a “like”!

As we conclude, I’d like to let you know that I get most of my income from tips, under the Future City Work Privilege Permit. You’ll get your identification back from the guard tower upon leaving, and since you’re not yet a resident, you’ll need to be out of the city by 7 PM, just like me, no exceptions. And by chance, if you happen to be heading East, I could use a ride.